in suspense and incomplete

I have been very frustrated with school this semester, mostly because I have a high concentration of education courses. I have a hard time motivating myself to do work that teaches me nothing except that I don’t like to do work. To make sure that we are ready for student teaching, all my education classes are designed to review previous education classes. This might be okay if the first education classes weren’t already a review of common sense. I’m sure you remember the pain of being told “show all your work” on simple algebra problems in middle school. Imagine the pain of being told to spell out your whole thought process behind every lesson plan so that a professor can tell you ten ways to make it more creative. I know I’m not quite ready to teach on my own, but I feel like my training is just turning me off to the profession. I just want to student teach, graduate, marry Ryan, and teach. Funny that it was in one of these wearisome education courses that I was exposed to this encouraging poem by Pierre Teilhard de Chardin:

Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are quite naturally impatient in everything
to reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way
to something unknown,
something new.
Yet it is the law of all progress that it is made
by passing through some stages of instability–
and that it may take a very long time.

And so I think it is with you.
Your ideas mature gradually. Let them grow.
Let them shape themselves without undue haste.
Do not try to force them on
as though you could be today what time
(that is to say, grace
and circumstances
acting on your own good will)
will make of you tomorrow.

Only God could say what this new Spirit
gradually forming in you will be.
Give our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself
in suspense and incomplete.

Back to School

I’ve been back at Trinity for almost a month, and I finally feel like the school year has started. This week was my first yearbook meeting, my first work shift, my first tutoring sessions and the honor’s kick-off fest. Best of all, novice teaching started. Being in the classroom with a group of bilingual sixth graders was a pleasant reminder of all the reasons I do want to be a teacher.

It’s great to have both a cousin and a sister on campus. Last weekend we went up to Grandma and Grandpa Vander Wilt’s and spent the weekend hanging out at the campground at Lake Red Rock. It was a lot of fun to carry on an old tradition.

Ryan is planning to visit in about two weeks! We’re engaged. Yippee!

a pleasant surprise

I was walking home from work with Ryan when I saw Rachel walking up the hill. I let go of Ryan and dropped my bag and ran, embracing her with, “You’re here! You’re here!” I had hoped to see my best friend from Spain sometime this summer, but her arrival was a complete surprise. “How long can you stay?” I asked.

Rachel stayed long enough for us to hike to Alta Vista, Camp Muir, and Bench Lake. She met some of the people I’ve been meeting and shared the food I was eating. The weather turned from lovely to yucky while she was here, but walking through the cold fog between Rachel and Ryan, I coiuld not forget that I live in a wonderful place.

Today was our first church service, and I spoke on the springlike renewal of the Holy Spirit. The snow is melting fast, and gradually more guests are coming. This cloud won’t linger around Paradise forever, and while it does, I’ll relax with a good book.

I’m for summer.

Let me just say that my college is much more concerned about making first impressions than leaving a pleasant aftertaste. When we move in, they provide t-shirted helpers, shopping carts, and a few extra days just to settle in. I don’t always get there a few days early, but at least there’s the option. In the spring, they don’t even bring us shopping carts to use. As if we had less stuff to bring out than we brought in at the beginning of the year. It’s no wonder I never miss school when my most recent memories of school during breaks always include long nights, long papers, cramming, cramming stuff into boxes, hauling boxes, and cleaning the suite under ridiculous time constraints. Everyone out by five on the last day of finals. Naturally, I am often sick during this week. If this is what college is about, I’m for summer.

This summer, I am going to miss my school roommates.

I wonder who my roommates will be this summer. I wonder about a lot of things. I am excited about a lot of things. I am going to Paradise.

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